How to reduce anxiety and the wedding scaries when planning your big day
As someone who’s been the nearlywed, the celebrant and a lifelong worrier, I know first-hand that planning a wedding ceremony is meant to be the happiest time of your life (and trust me when I say it WILL all work out and be amazing) but sometimes, it feels like you’re spinning - nay - juggling a hundred plates. The debacle can soon feel less like nuptial bliss and more like a mild existential crisis.
Seeing as though October is Mental Health Awareness Month, Halloween season and also the month I planned my wedding party in London in 2018, I thought it would be fitting to share my top tips for protecting your peace and beating the scaries while planning your wedding. So, for all my fellow anxious angels, here you go…
1. Accept that perfect does not exist
Perfection is a unicorn - it ain’t real! And chasing that thing is exhausting. Something will go wrong (probably something tiny that no one else will notice), and that’s okay. The mess ups are often the human moments!
2. Take wedding planning in “Brew Break” chunks
It’s easy to let wedding admin take over your evenings and weekends. But no spreadsheet ever got more accurate after midnight. Set aside short, focused bursts for planning and then step away. Make a cuppa, go for a walk or watch something that has absolutely nothing to do with weddings. (10/10 recommend a bit of The Repair Shop or Schitt’s Creek therapy.)
3. Don’t plan alone
Anxiety loves isolation. So don’t give it the satisfaction. Share your worries with your partner, friends or even your celebrant (👋 hello). I’ve supported loads of nearlyweds who just needed someone to help them reframe what matters most and spoiler alert… it’s never the chair covers.
4. Set social media boundaries
Pinterest, TikTok and Instagram are brilliant for inspo until they start to feel like a pressure cooker of “shoulds.” Those perfect weddings you see online have filters, budgets and teams of professionals behind them. Your day doesn’t need to go viral. It just needs to feel like you.
5. Focus on connection, not performance
Weddings aren’t about performing love, they’re about celebrating it. Instead of stressing over timelines and trends, think about how you want people to feel. Do you want joy? Laughter? A sense of calm and relaxation? Build your day around that energy. It’s the best kind of mood board there is.
6. Hire suppliers who “get” you
A good supplier will make your life easier. A great one will make you feel safe, seen, and supported. Find people whose values match yours, who don’t just deliver a service but create space for you to breathe, be yourself, and actually enjoy the process.
7. Remember, it’s your day, not a group project
Receiving advice you didn’t ask for is practically part of the wedding package (bless Auntie Carol and her desire to create Princess Diana’s wedding to Charles on a lemonade budget.) Smile, nod and remember you’re allowed to say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” A celebrant-led ceremony is perfect for that because it’s all about designing something personal, heartfelt and as anxiety-free as possible because I’ll be there to help lighten the load / deal with Auntie Carol.
8. Prioritise wellbeing like you would your venue
If you wouldn’t skip cake tasting, don’t skip the things that keep you grounded, like journalling, walks, therapy, yoga or a good playlist. And if you’re anything like me, keep a notebook of wellbeing prompts or coping tools handy for those “wobbly” moments. Sometimes, writing things down is the quickest route back to calm.
9. It’s okay to ask for help
Whether that’s emotional support, help making decisions, or a professional like a celebrant who can take the pressure off your ceremony planning, asking for help isn’t a weakness. It’s an act of love, both for yourself and for your fellow nearlywed.
Wedding planning shouldn’t add to the chaos of life! Your ceremony is your chance to pause the noise, look at your favourite person or people, and remind yourselves why you’re doing this in the first place.
So if you’re looking for a ceremony that’s joyful, inclusive and stress-free (and comes with a generous dose of empathy and tea), I’d love to chat.
